Be Holy for I am Holy

Hi Girlies,

I am doing a Bible study on holiness right now and wanted to share some thoughts with you.

I screwed up, big time. And afterwards I was kicking myself for not being "holy".  My first impulse was to definitely NOT talk to God about it, I ran and hide just like Adam and Eve.  I mean there was no way that He would want to see or talk to me after what I had done and on the other hand I didn't deserve to see of talk to Him and I certainly could not take His disapproving look. 

But as I laid there in bed, shaming myself.  I could hear His voice calling for me "Cija, where are you?"  Of course, He knew exactly where I was, hunkered under my covers listening to the guilt and shame being fed to me by the enemy.   God knew where I was but He wanted ME

to know where I was and who I was listening too. 

There God was walking through the garden of my heart, calling out to me.  He wasn't casting me aside because of my sin, He was reminding me that He already covered it.  The blood that He shed on the cross, washed me whiter than snow... all of my sins were forgiven, the one's in past, the sin last night and the ones in my future. 

And so... it got me to thinking.  "Be holy because I am Holy".  "Be holy in all your behavior."  Ack!  Did you see what I just did!!  How can I be holy! I screw up all the time, and I didn't just make a mistake, I knew that I shouldn't do what I did and I chose willfully and defiantly to do it anyway!  

Perhaps you have felt like me... how in the world will I ever be holy?   If so,  I wanted to come and stand before you, recently spattered and stained with sin and let you know something.  Thank the Almighty God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob and HIs glorious son, Jesus Christ my Savior that it is not about me and my performance. He is perfectly aware that I am a going to screw up. 

You see, I am holy, because HE IS HOLY!  and He lives in me.  My responsibility is not to be perfect so that I will make Him look good.  He is already good and perfect!  My responsibility is to offer myself as a living sacrifice and HE will transform me by the renewing of my mind and then use me to bring Himself glory.   I can't not tell how much relief I find in knowing that He, who has started the work in me is faithful to complete it!  

I want to share this Consecration Prayer by Tammie Head with you. It's a wonderful picture of what it looks like to offer yourself up a living sacrifice.

God, I offer my mind to you today, May every thought, every intention, and every motive be in constant agreement with Your Holiness.  Please forgive me for every way I have sinned a against You with my mind.  Please wash my mind and purify it.  Empower me to fix my mind on you today. I desire my mind to be set apart for your glory. 

God, I offer my eyes to you today.  May everything I choose as entertainment be in agreement with Your holiness.  Your Word says in James 4:4 that "friendship with the world is hostility toward God" and "whoever wants to be the world's friend becomes God's enemy."  Please foregive me for making friend with the world and not setting my sights on You.  Wash my eyes and purify them.  Please empower me to fix my eyes on You today.  I desire my eyes be set apart for Your glory. 

God, I offer You my ears today.  May everything I listen to be in agreement with your holiness.  Please forgive me for listening to gossip, slander, and entertainment that builds up the world's ways in me.  I also ask for your forgiveness for not listening to Your Voice in obedience.  Please wash my ears and purify them.  Empower me to fix my ears on You today.  I want my ears set apart for your glory.

God, I offer my mouth to you today.  May every word I speak or do not speak and everything I eat or do not ear reflect your holiness  Forgive me for every way I have used my mouth as a tool of unrighteousness.  Please purify my mouth.  Empower me to fix my mouth on You today.  Set my mouth apart for Your glory. 

God, I offer my heart to you today.  May my every feeling, desire and emotional need come into agreement with Your holiness.  Forgive me for seeking fulfillment in temporary satisfactions. Please wash my heart and purify it.  Empower me to fix my heart on You today.  I want my heart set apart for Your glory. 

God, I offer my hands to You today.  May everything I touch or handle show forth Your holiness.  Forgive me for using my hands as took of unrighteousness or withholding service to other.  Please wash my hands and purify them.  Empower me to fix my hands on You to day.  I want my hands set apart for your glory. 

God , I offer my feet to You today.  May every step I take demonstrate your holiness.  Forgive me for not planting my feet on your truth and for shrinking back from stepping out with you.  Please wash my feet and purify them.  Empower me to fix my feet on you today.  Please set my feet apart for your glory. 

Don't set out today with the goal of being good & perfect, start out the day by being holy.  Take time to set yourself apart for God's service. 

Love you, sweet girlies! Mommy

There is no way I have false teachings in my life... Oh crap! 1

I am a lifer.  One of those christians that has spent their entire life in the church.  Sundays.  Wednesdays. Private christian education. Youth group.  You name it I have been there, done that.  I have had doctrine poured into and over me as long as I can remember.  I’m grateful. 

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that I had brought false teachings into my own home and was even using them to teach my children.  I mean, if anyone was qualified to hear and recognize false teachings it would be me. Ask me what is off in the many popular religions out there and I can tell you, no problem.  The Apostle Paul and John, the Apostle that penned the book of I John would be proud.  Or would they?

Honestly, I should have know better. The enemy is crafty2, he doesn’t walk around with a poster board of Buddha trying to trip up us “lifers”!  Oh no, he holds out Jesus, slightly modified, carefully disguised as to not call any attention to the false teachings he presenting and the way he is misrepresenting the Gospel.3 

In fact, it can sound so inviting.  An invitation to be more spiritually mature. But, Paul said in Galatians, “I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and you are turning to a different gospel, which is really no gospel at all.  Our first thought is to think, “My my, what were those Galatians up too? A different gospel?  That sounds serious, I would never.” 

Really? Turns out this lifer was very much a Galatian, turning to a different gospel.  For the people in a Galatia, it was trying to earn God’s grace.  Yep, you read that right.  They weren’t worshipping idols, they were simply working hard to follow all the rules so that God would approve of them... love them.  Oh, we could spend some time here, but not today.  

So , what is the Gospel.  We must first know what it is, so that we can recognize if there is a “different gospel” in our lives.  Let’s look at I Corinthians 15:1-4 Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand.  By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you.  Otherwise, you have believed in vain.  For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance; that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures.

I wonder if maybe some of you turned your “reading speed” to turbo through those verses.  Oh I get it, I’ve heard that so many times before I can just skip over that or race through it.  Like I said, “been there, done that.”  

Let me cut to the chase.  Jesus warns us “Watch out that no one deceives you.”4 I am not one to ruffle feathers, I like everyone to just be happy; but it was the courage, of a godly woman, to say something, that showed me the false teachings that I had allowed in to my own home. That was about 8 months ago, and since then I have seen over and over again how this one little book has permeated so many christian homes. 5 In fact, when my dad died, a man from the church came to encourage and pray with us.  In his hand he held a leather bond book with gold leaf pages, no doubt a Bible.  But, when he opened it, it was not the word of God it was this same book, a different gospel.  Hear me when I say, I know this man was truly believing that he was bringing the word of God to us, and that is the part that makes me shutter.  Satan is so crafty, he has wormed his way into our homes, into our churches and onto our Facebook pages and we don’t even know it!

Sometime ago, I read a book6 that helped me to uncover some of the false teachings that are in our church today.  I have to admit as I started reading I was very confused so many of the things they talked about made me say “What on earth is wrong with that? That’s sounds like a good thing.”  Things like prayer journaling7, listening, automatic writing, contemplative prayer8, getting off by yourself in the woods and experiencing God, going on a spiritual quest, seeking God’s presence9 etc. I mean come on, all those things sound awesome!  I want to grow, be more, have more and these all sound like really awesome ways to get there.  But I was desperate for truth and so I prayed for wisdom and discernment, I grabbed a journal and pen and wrote down all my questions and things that confused me and I went in skeptical, how could there possibly be anything wrong with any one of these things.  But here is what I found at the end of that exercise.  All of these things sound amazing and super spiritual and must haves for the mature christian, but they are really just man’s attempts to reach God and that is absolutely a different gospel.  

What was the Gospel again? Christ died for our sins, he was buried and raised on the third day.  We can not reach God, it is by his mind boggling grace that he reaches down out of heaven to rescue us. 

I can almost hear some of you saying, “Geez, Cija.  What is the big deal? I know all that, I am just trying to grow, have a deeper relationship with God. I think maybe you are over reacting.”  Yes, I thought that too.  But it turns out I am not. 

There is a really good example of men trying to reach God in Genesis 11:4 “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we can make a name for ourselves.”  But, God would have none of it. Why? Because we can not reach Him! It was a deception!  Satan was fooling them into thinking that they could do anything to save themselves or reach some higher knowledge of God on their own.  It’s a lie, we can do nothing on our own! Only he can rescue us! Only he can draw us closer to him. It was a false gospel then and it’s a false gospel now.

I get it.  I want a closer and deeper relationship too.  But there is only one way, and that one way is Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us.  He is the author and finisher of our faith10.

The Gospel is simple. Jesus died for our sins, he was buried and raised on the third day.  Now we watch 11 and wait 12 for Him to return and while we wait we are to go into all the world and preach the Good News, the Gospel, and  follow the example of the early church in Acts 2, devoting ourselves to biblical teaching, fellowship, communion and to prayer. This is how you grow. 

Colossians 1:9 - 14 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.  And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.  For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.  

I am grateful for the woman who had the courage to say something, it would be be wrong of me to not turn around and do the same for the people I love and care about.  XOXO Cija

¹ Sorry to many episodes of “Reba” and “Everyone Loves Raymond”

² I Peter 5:8, Gensis 3:1

³ Genesis 3:1 Did God really say…

⁴ Matthew 24:4

⁵ “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young.  I know! WHAT? No way!  I read it the whole thing, bought the children’s version and read it to my kids, and bought several other copies for my friends!  I did not believe it, there is no way!!  But, I encourage you to take time to read the self penned forward in her book and how she came to write it. One of the most frightening statements to me was “I knew that God communicated with me through the Bible, but I yearned for more.” What? More than the Word of God? Did he forget something??

⁶ Castles in the Sand by Carolyn A. Greene

⁷ Prayer Journaling/Listening/Automatic Writing/- this is not writing your prayers in a journal.  “In your journal, you write down your prayer or question to God. Then, focusing on Jesus, you listen for the Holy Spirit’s answer, and write down what you believe He is saying. I find that the Holy Spirit’s ‘voice’ usually comes as a series of light, gentle impressions. I need to tune in to these to hear what He is saying.”  Umm... all the answers to need are in the Bible. 

⁸ Contemplative Prayer - this is not thinking while praying.  Contemplative prayer begins with “centering prayer” a meditative practice where the practitioner focuses on a word and repeats that word over and over for the duration of the exercise. The purpose is to clear one’s mind of outside concerns so that God’s voice may be more easily heard. After the centering prayer, the practitioner is to sit still, listen for direct guidance from God, and feel His presence. Although this might sound like an innocent exercise, this type of prayer has no scriptural support whatsoever. Prayer is comprehendible communication with God, not an esoteric, mystical meditation. www.gotquestions.org

⁹ Seeking God’s presence is not necessary, he is omnipresent and said “I will never leave you!”

¹⁰ Hebrews 12:2

¹¹ gregoreo - to watch, give strict attention to, be cautious

¹² qavah - to wait, look for, hope, expect

Autumn Rains… Pools of Blessings

Hello my girlies,

So I only have a couple of minutes before we start homeschooling (YES! I said homeschooling, I will leave that for another day), but I had to share.

Since starting homeschooling and teaching history, I have stumbled a little bit in my faith.  Nothing major just a small little seed of "is this all real?"  It has shook me to my core, I don't want any doubt and so I have been praying, reading my Bible asking the Lord to reassure me that He is there and all I believe is true and real.

Yesterday I was with my mom, she was so discouraged looking back over her life, thinking her life was difficult and that it shouldn't have been and because it was meant that she had done things wrong that caused her life to be difficult.  I knew that Satan was messing with her, I tried to encourage her remind her that Jesus said this life would be difficult.  But this morning, God showed up!  It was as if my Bible study for today was just for her!  And through the process He strengthened my faith.

Here is the email I sent to my mom this morning:

God never ceases to amaze me.  This morning as I was doing my quiet time and was reminded of your comment yesterday in the car "Life shouldn't be so difficult and I allowed it to happen".  A lie that Satan has been whispering in your ear for far too long, as if to convince you that if you had lived your life differently life wouldn't have been so hard.  

"Poppycock!"

Jesus assures of that in this life will will have MANY troubles. 

So, this morning I am making my way through my study of the old testament patriarchs and I find myself in Egypt with Joseph and his elderly father, Jacob.  Joseph is introducing his dad, Jacob, to Pharaoh when Pharaoh asks how old Jacob is and he replies "The years of my pilgrimage are a hundred and thirty.  My years have been few and difficult and they do not equal the years of the pilgrimage of my fathers."  Few... difficult and don't equal.  First off, Jacob knew that this life was merely a pilgrimage to where he belongs but he felt as though his life didn't measure up to his father or grandfather's.  It had been difficult and there were so many things he could have done differently.  Sound like anyone you know?!?!?  So here is what my Bible Study said  "we can place all our years of difficulty on the altar of God as a gift for Him to turn into benefit and beauty.  We can invite God to fill in the space where we feel we didn't measure up."  Now who do you suppose orchestrated that I would be on this page of this part of the study on this day, the day after I had this conversation with you!  GOD!  This is the message he wants you to hear.  

Psalms 84 is wonderful... but focus in on verses 5 & 6.  "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.  As they pass through the Valley of Baca (weeping) they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools (blessings). 

Mom, set you heart on pilgrimage, you are here for a purpose (His purpose) to share his comfort and gospel until your last breath, as you pass through this life (the valley of weeping) make it a place of springs (expectant JOY) and bask in the autumn rains that will cover the land of your life with pools of blessing. Stop looking back allow God to fill the space where you feel you didn't measure up and go forward with expectant joy doing the good works that He has laid out before you.  

I suspect those hearing aids will do more than improve your quality of life or make it possible for you and I to talk on the phone, they will give you an important tool in doing all that God has left for you to do.  Image spending your days on the phone, praying with those who need encouragement, sharing the gospel with those He will bring across your path.  Satan is holding you prisoner in silence, making sure he is the only voice you can hear clearly, whispering lies of destruction.  It's time to take your life back, get back on your pilgrimage with expectant joy and watch the Lord use the rain to pour out pools of blessing on your life!

Friends

Your dad and I were going out.  It was our anniversary and just the two of us were headed out the door for a night of no responsibility and a dose of financially irresponsibility.  The next day, I stood at the sink scrapping out a bowl full of macaroni and cheese that had been left to waste the night before by the 3 of you and your baby sitter.  No one had taken the time to transfer it to a tupperware and put it in the fridge.  I suspect the call of new kindles and a freshly taped episode of your favorite show pulled you away not caring what happened to the left over mac and cheese, a favorite meal often begged for was left for the trash.  

It’s so true that we live in a disposable society.  Always upgrading our phones and electronics for the newest and shiniest versions out there, tucking our old ones in a drawer or a box in the basement and maybe even dropping them off to be recycled at the local high school.  Macaroni and cheese and electronics are one thing, but I have recently had cause to wonder, what about people?  Dare I even say... friends.  Once your shopping buddy, coffee date, friday night family dinner companions is now set on the back burner because someone new has come along.  Someone who is fun and full of life.  I have heard it said “Some people are in your life for just a season”, but I wonder... is that our nice way of saying “yay, I’m done with you, I have found something new and more exciting.”  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for new friendships and adding another shade of color and texture to the people that surround me, in fact, I am meeting a new friend for coffee tomorrow,  but I wonder... does it have to be done at the expense of the other people in our life?

Are friends so easy to come by that we can afford to just leave them sitting in the bowl to waste over night like the mac and cheese?

I’m not really a New Year’s resolution kind a girl, seems like something that should be done continually, year round to me.  But with the start of this year I have felt the sting of feeling like I have been set aside and it has caused me to take pause, to look back over my life and the friends that the Lord has so gracious given me and I have decided that it’s time I make more of an effort to cherished each and every one of them for the treasure that they are. 

How fortunate am I that someone would want to share their laughs, fears, quirks and tears with me. As you grow and meet new friends along the way, I challenge you to remember the value of all of your friends, old and new.  Each is very special to God and should be special to you as well.  Love you girlies! 

Letters from Mom

Hello my sweet girlies,

Yesterday I was talking on the phone with Miss Ann, she was telling me about a friend of Melanie's that is going thru a very difficult time, she is "cutting" and even talking about committing suicide.  Miss Ann had the opportunity to talk to her and she said "I just wish my mom would say that she is proud of me and stop yelling at me and having me work all the time."  It broke my heart to think of a young girl wondering if her mom is proud of her or even loves her and then I thought about myself... not necessarily given to soft words.  So... today I wrote each of you a letter.  I will give them to you when I pick you up from school but I wanted to preserve them for you here in my soulnotes for you, so you will always know my heart for you.

 Melia,

I just wanted to write you a note to let you know that I am proud of you.  I don't always say what I think.  I so desperately want you to have a pain free life that often the words that I say are meant to teach you, to instruct you, to push you, to protect  you and I don't take the time to tell you how wonderful you are.  Your passion to be good and right, the way you love your sisters and your friends so much that you try to help them do good and right too.  The way you love God and pray and share scripture so boldly at school makes me so proud of who you are.  I want to be more like you! Chalyn once told me how you worship with beautiful abandon not caring what the other kids think.  Don't ever lose that!  It's so beautiful and inspiring to the people around you.  Love God out loud! You, Melia, He YOU special for His glory!

I love your beauty, how blessed you are to not just be beautiful in your attitude and love for God and the people around you but also in physical beauty.  I pray that you will use it to draw people to you and then on them with the love of Jesus.

When I talk about you or describe you to people I say thing like:
-  she has a deep desire to do good and right, to please God , her teachers, her friends and her parents.
-  she is a prayer warrior.  If you ask her to pray about something you can rest assured that she will.
-  she is bold in her faith and her willingness to tell others about Jesus.
-  she is drop dead gorgeous, so beautiful!

Melia, I wish that I knew how to let praise flow from my mouth more freely but please know that just below all the teaching, instruction, pushing etc. is a heart bursting with love and pride!  I am so blessed that you are my daughter and so inspired by who God created you to be.  And  even when it may sound like I am disappointed in you or don't think you are good enough it is absolutely  not that.  I think you are amazing in every single way! and I only want for you to have the best and most fulfilling life possible.

I love you.
Mom

Sabrina,  

Can I just say that having twins has been the most wonderful and most difficult thing I have ever done and experienced in my life. 

I wanted to write you a letter today so that I could have my heart with you.  I know that I am not the mooshiest mom out there.  I know that most of my words are used to push you to be all that you are capable of.  To teach you, how to be the best person you can be, how to clean and be responsible etc. and I am afraid that because of that you might no know just how crazy I am about you!  I love that you are so much like your dad! I love that I see him every time I look at you! I love your spunky little character, your joy for life, your fabulous laugh fill my heart!  Your goofy sense of style, a perfect example is the picture of you on the dinosaur  at the gas station on the way home from South Dakota, one shoe, pajama bottoms, sunglasses and yet you look amazing!  I wanna be just like you!  I love your natural ability of athletics, I was never like that. And that you are always ready to have fun! you  are a vibrant ray of beautiful sunshine.  

You are truly a blessing of joy and happiness. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  Your smile lights up the house! Your curiosity and zest for life are contagious and I know that God has amazing things for you to do.  I love that you are adaptable and just as easily play with the boys as you can play with the girls. 

Every time I see you are church or at school I think to myself how did I get so blessed to be Sabrina's mom?  You might be messy and scattered but I think you are amazing, creative, adventurous, curious and full of life!  I can't wait to see what you and God will do! 

I love you! 

Mom

Ry Ry,

This morning I just wanted to stop all the things that I am trying to get done and write you a note.   I know that most of the time I am in full on teacher mode.  Teaching you now to be responsible by having you do chores, teaching you how to be a good wife and mom someday by having you clean your room and take care of the animals and teaching you about God and how to protect yourself from Satan that I wonder if sometimes you don't know how amazing I thing you are.  So today I wanted to stop for a minute and tell you!  You are such a tender blessing to me.  you look so much lke me and that is so dear and specail to me.  God has given you such a deep and soulful personality .  Some kids are funny but you have this grown up wittiness that just make me laugh right out loud.  Even Miss Ann has commented on how funny you are and the cool thing about it is you aren't even trying to be funny it's just this beautiful natural thing that is uniquely Ryanne.

I love the way you think and how you talk about things.  You are so deep and soulful I am having a hard time explaining it in words but it is captivating and wonderfully comforting.  You remind me of the feeling I get when it is snowing outside, the house is filled with the smell of cookies in the oven, a romantic and funny movie is on TV and I am curled up in a blanket with my family safe and all around me.  How do you do that?  You are the best feeling ever! You are calm and relaxed yet strong and determined.  In some ways a beautiful mystery.  Perhaps it is because you have literally been face to face with Jesus.  Like Moses, it has made you radiant in a way that is indescribable.

You and your sisters are the perfect 3!  If ever I was in trouble... Melia would be a well of hope, Sabrina a ray of sunshine and you would be assurance of something bigger a calm and beautiful source of indescribable strength.

I love you.

Mom

Now is the time...

This little monster and I have a lot in common!  Back before you were born there was a popular kid's movie called "Monster's Inc".  This little guy, a main character in the film,  is Mike Wazowski and one of my favorite lines from the movie is when Mike tells his buddy Sulley that "Now is the time to PANIC!!"

Many times the circumstances of this life can leave me feeling exactly the same way.  Today was one of those days.

Our life has been, shall we say, "interesting" since your dad was laid off 7 years ago.  The security of a nice big steady paycheck has been long since gone.  But despite the numbers God has been faithful to provide.  Oh, the stories I could tell, but that is for another night.

The past year has been particularly "interesting".  I am not entirely sure the details are necessary and seeings how it's midnight (again) I may just skip to the point of my story.

After church you and I stopped for a bite to eat on our way home (dad was off to orchestra), while waiting for our food, I decided to check my email (first mistake... I should have left my phone in my purse and played another round of "Eye Spy" with Sabrina).  I opened an email from our accountant.  Any email that starts out with "I hate to be the bearer of bad news" is not a good one! TAXES!!  The news was not good.  Not good at all.  And I suddenly felt a lot like Mike Wazowski, "Now is the time to PANIC!!"

My eyes began to fill with tears and I tried to choke out a few silent prayers in between the waves of mounting panic.  I am so grateful that God has pursued me in His word these last several years, I have learned so much.  One of those things being that I should run to Him and no one else when I feel like "Mike".  When we got home, you girls went outside to play and I forced myself to grab my Bible and spend sometime with God.  I resisted the temptation to call a friend, to text your dad or eat a bowl of ice cream!  The only source of peace for this storm would be God Almighty.

Now here's just a few fun facts... God is so AWESOME!!!
1.  The message at church this morning was on Luke 8 when Jesus and his disciples got into a boat on the sea of Galilee and Jesus said "Come, let's go to the other side".  Half way into their trip... big huge scary storm.  Pastor told us all about how sometimes Jesus leads us into a storm to show us something about ourselves (for the disciples it was a lack of faith).  For me I was faced with the presence of unbelief in my life.  Oh I believe, but dear Lord help me in my unbelief!! (Mark 9:25)  I can say all day long, "the Lord will provide" but the truth is, I have this little nest egg over here just in case He doesn't. It's true that my last "nest egg" just got taken away, but now I have the opportunity to find out what it really feels like to wholly lean on Jesus.  No more plan B's or safety nets for  Cija.
2.  I recently started a new Bible study here at home, I am just a couple of weeks in.  The author of the study has been highlighting the Names of God as they appear in our text.  Yesterday I learned about the name give to God by Hagar "the God who sees me", I found myself reminding myself over and over today the God sees me and knows my situation.  In the lesson I did today, the name was El Shaddiah, God Almighty.  And wouldn't you know that today I would need to hear in the pit of unbelief that my God not only sees me He is ALL mighty!!

God hasn't miraculously changed my situation but He is changing my heart from one that is poised to panic at the first sign of trouble to one that is confident in the Almighty God, who sees me.

Oh my sweet girlies, I love you so so much!  And I will always try to be here for you when you feel the storms of life all around you but when you need real peace His is the face you should seek!

Do Not Be Afraid

Hello My Sweet Girlies,

I find it hard to even start this entry, it has been a sad and tragic few days.  This past friday an young man, just 20 years old entered an elementary school and shot and killed 27 people.  20 of them being children, just 6 and 7 years old.  It can be terrifying to live in a world filled with such evil.  

I wasn't sure that I was going to tell you about the shooting, we had a terrible shooting here in Colorado at a movie theater just a few months ago and you girls are just so young, but I wasn't given a choice, the school made the decision to tell the kids.  As you piled in the car you asked "Mom! Did you hear about the shooting that happened?  77 kindergarteners were shot!"  On the way home, I prayed and asked God for wisdom, first things first I set about to correct the errors in what they had heard.  Melia asked if anything like that has ever happened before and of course I was transported back to April 20, 1999.  Daddy and I met for lunch at The Olive Garden and when I got back in the car I heard a report that there had been a school shooting.  When I got back to my office I pulled out the 3" TV/radio that was tucked in my desk door and watched, completely stunned... the shooting had happened here in Colorado just a few miles from my house.  I remember going to the memorial at the theater across the street and walking by the student's cars that were covered with flowers and notes, I remember the name of one of those students, Rachel Scott.  I explained to you girls that we live is a fallen world where evil things happen but we serve a Sovereign God who takes what Satan means for evil and uses it for good.  I told you about Rachel Scott and how since the day she was killed God has used her tragic death to catapult her testimony around the world to make an eternal difference. Rachel lost her life that day but God did not allow it to be in vain, many lives have been touch... saved because of her story.

The weekend provided distractions and the conversations about the shooting subsided...

This morning (it’s Monday now) I had to drive the 3 of you to school and watch you walk in those doors.  (Believe me when I say that there is a big part of me that wants to pull you out and home school you, but I just can’t do it.  I know that motive in my heart is nothing more than fear and I also know that the Lord needs His little lights to be in those schools to shine for Him.  You were created with a mission and I won’t let fear stand in the way; so I will purpose in my heart to trust the Lord to use you in any way He sees fit, no matter what.)  On the way to school Melia mentioned that there would be a counselor at school today to help the kids.  I told Melia that I would rather she talk to me if she needed to talk vs. a counselor provided by the school system.  And so, I spent the rest of the way to schooI answering her questions.

“Were they all kindergartners?”

“Was the kindergartner teacher killed?”

“Who did it?”

“Why would he do something like that?”

and...  “Do you think something like that could happen at our school?”

I did my best to answer your questions as honestly as I could and reassured you that God is ALWAYS in control and that the worst thing Satan could ever do to her would only end with her being held in the loving arms of her Savior.  We prayed together and I watched you walk into your class. 

After school you told me about how you went ahead and spoke with the counselor at school and how she had really helped you.  She taught you how to turn off the fear in your brain by thinking about a pretty color and taking a few deep breathes. 

I thought to myself, this really is all the hope this fallen world has to offer... pretty colors and cleansing breathes.  And yet,  if we would only accept it, we have all the hope we would ever need in Jesus.  

I tried so hard to explain to you girls that you don’t need to settle for pretty colors and deep breathes.  You are daughters of the King!!  The Creator of the Universe!  You have full and unlimited access to His Throne Room!  And He waits to comfort you and to shelter you under His mighty wings.  

This is not an easy thing to explain to 9 and 8 year old girls and so in the end, I resorted to a story...

Imagine you are at home when the door bell rings, you run to answer the door and find a Royal Messenger standing there with a single white envelope resting on a velvet pillow.  Inside the envelope is an invitation to come to the palace for a ball.  You rush around the house, gathering your prettiest dress, fixing your hair and seeing to the smallest of details. 

When you arrive at the palace it is bustling with activity and your eyes can barely take in all the beauty that fills every corner, a towering man takes you by the hand and leads you down a private hallway and escorts you into the Throne room of the King.  The door has barely cracked open when He turns... so overjoyed by your being there, He lifts his robes and runs to greet you.  He spends the night, hanging on your every word, providing you with a feast to meet every need, giving you more than you could ever ask or imagine and tells you that you are always welcome and wanted and that He hopes you will come and stay over and over again. 

You leave feeling refreshed, full of joy and hope.  A few days go by and the weight of  this world is starting to press in, so you decide to go and see the King, you know He is anxious for you to come to Him with anything you need big or small.  

You haven’t been walking long when you run into a man on the road, who can see you are tired and offers to help. 

“Thank you, but I’m going to the palace, the King has offered to help me anytime.”

“Oh that’s not necessary, come with me and I will give you rest and something to eat.  Besides the King is busy with more important matters, there is no need to bother Him when I can teach you how to take care of these things on your own.”

Soon you find yourself in a small cottage, there is a fire in the fire place and everyone is happy to have a visitor for the evening.  You’re provided a good meal and enjoy some light conversation and then head for home.   For a while you feel quite content but soon the tiredness and worry return.

A fews days later, it seems more than you can bare so you decide that this time you will go to see the King; but once you head off, you begin to think it might be easier to just stop by the cottage instead, it's been a while since you saw the King and like the man said, you can just take care of things yourself.  However, this time there is no one  there to greet you and the cottage looks a little more like a run down shack.  You knock but nobody answers, and so you turn the knob and call “Hello?”

“Oh, hey... it’s you.  Come on in.”  You are greeted with very little enthusiasm. 

Things have definitely changed, no one seems as excited to have a guest and this time you're simply given permission to rummage through the pantry to look for something to eat while they kick back and watch TV.  Your evening is spent sitting at a broken down table eating crackers all alone.  

On the way out the door, your new friend tosses his head over his shoulder and says “We’ll see you tomorrow.”  

“Actually, I think maybe I’ll go to the Palace tomorrow, the King said I was welcome anytime.”

“What?  You can’t go there.  Oh sure you were welcome days ago, but not now, not after you have blown Him off for a whole week!  He won’t want to see you now!”

And of course you know he’s right... the King would never want to see you now.

That is what this situation is like... you girls have an open invitation to call on the King of Kings and Satan is trying like everything to get you to settle for pretty colors and a few deep breathes.  Jesus is waiting and wanting to hold you, to comfort you and to fill you with His strength!!  Don’t let Satan keep you from all that Jesus has to give you.  

Girls you must always take what the world gives you and measure it against scripture, if it doesn’t line up than get rid of it!  The world says when you are afraid, think about a pretty color and take a few breathes but what does the Bible say?

Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

I want to take this one step further, you often pray for Alex at school, that she will get saved.  Imagine if she was to come to you tomorrow at school and tells you that she is really scared, are you going to tell her “Hey Alex, all you need to do it think about your favorite color and take a few deep breathes!” or are you going to tell her about Jesus?

We had a wonderful talk today and I have prayed that the Holy Spirit will give you understanding beyond your years in this situation.  I pray that when you are raising your own kids that you will never grow weary of teaching them always about Jesus.  

May you be filled up and emptied out for His Glory!!!  Oh how I love you sweet girlies!

Mommy