Mommy's Bed

So I not sure what it is but you three girls just love mommy's bed! Day to Day my room is off limits unless Daddy or I are in there (it seems there are just too many temptations in there) but on those occasions when we are in our room, you girls just love it! One of your favorite things to do is crawl through the tunnel that our bedspread makes when it is folded down on the end of the bed, over and over again! It could be an all day activity! Yesterday, after I finished up my work and before I headed out for a photoshoot, I had about 10 minutes to just veg. Ryanne was hangin' out with me at my desk, so I grabbed her hand and we headed into my room to lay down for a few minutes. Oh how I love those moments, I wish that I had the good sense to make more time for precious moments like that! It wasn't long and Melia joined us and a few minutes after that, Sabrina stumbled upon our little "slumber party". Ah... these are the moments I cherish, I pray that when you three become mommies you will make yourself take a few minutes now and again to play in your bed with your kiddos! I love you so much! BIG HUGS!! Mommy

"Fighting the Monsters & 3 Legged Sleeves"

Good morning my sweet girls! I must get straight to it this morning as I have plotted out my day so that I can squeeze in all the things I need to do and all the things I want to do... like hangin' with you 3. Leaving me 15 minutes to type this note to you!! Quick funny story to explain the title of this note, "Fighting the Monsters & 3 Legged Sleeves"! This morning at breakfast Ryanne had a new idea that she wanted to share, "I think in the winter we should wear long sleeves, and in the spring we should wear short sleeves and in the summer none sleeves and in the fall 3 legged sleeves!" Just made me giggle! Now to tie in the Monster reference, a few years back, I took to writing in my Bible (by the way it is now some 6 hours later, 15 minutes just wasn't enough and I didn't want to knock myself off schedule when I was really just beginning!), and wanted to do more than just read my Bible I wanted to really dig in and study it. So I found a good commentary on http://www.blueletter.com/ (just in case this super cool resource is still around when you are reading this) and started digging in, verse by verse, writing down things of interest and things I learned about along the way. Often times while studying my Bible you girls will come looking for a hug or a squeeze and yesterday was no exception. Blanket in hand and thumb in mouth, Ryanne stood next to me while I did my Bible study. After a while, you decided to move on and look for something more exciting to do. I finished up and went on with my day. Late yesterday afternoon, I was wrapping up some last minute stuff for work and desperately needed to jump in the shower before we headed out for the evening, when Ryanne came up beside me with her purple sparkle Bible and a ball point pin. "I want to study my Bible mom, and write in it like you do. Can you help me?" This was one of those moments as a mom that you let out your breathe and say to yourself "YES! I am doing at least one thing right!!". I brushed my "to do" list aside and we dug in. Ryanne wanted to study the story of David and Goliath.
As I read the story from the Bible, Ryanne and I drew a picture of what was happening. It was so cute, she would add to my little stick figures as I was reading. Just too precious. When we were all done, I asked her "So what did you learn about God from this story?"

"I learned that God doesn't want us to be afraid." And so for the first time Ryanne wrote in her Bible. It's a day I will never for get!

I was equally excited this morning when Ryanne returned with her Bible, ball point pin and her two sisters, to find out what happened next! (A Parade, Attempted Murder & A Wedding!! Now who thinks reading their Bible is boring!! You go girls, you will find the very Spirit of God hovering on each page of the Bible and studying it will change your life forever! Kisses my sweet girls!! Love, Mommy

"I'm taking my dolls and going home!"

Good Morning my sweet girls! So listen, I wanted to talk to you about something I learned this morning in my time with the Lord. I have been studying the life of David for about a year and half now. I started in 1 Samuel 18 and have made my way through verse by verse to 2 Samuel 19 (where I am today). My oh my what a journey this study as been, I have learned so much and God has poured out rich fertilizer on my faith, that has caused me to grow in my love and understanding of Him and yet, I am only scratching the surface. Oh I pray that you girls will give the scriptures a chance, that you make yourself spend time reading it and studying it, even when you don't feel like it. It will bless you in ways you never thought possible. (Find a good commentary that will hold your hand along the way and pry open the meaning for you. I have used David Guzik for my study). Any who... I am only through verse 8 of chapter 19, but it has already taught me so much that I wanted to stop and soak in it for a while, really let it soak in because it is an area where I need to "grow up" in my walk with the Lord.

Let me set the scene for you. David has been King of Israel but his son (for reasons that David is partly responsible for) has effectively run David out of "town" and is seeking to kill him and take over as the new King. God in his mercy is faithful towards David and gives David's men a victory in their battle against Absalom (David's son), but Absalom is killed. David mourns for Absalom which is understandable BUT he takes it too far, it consumes him it's all he can think about, soon all of his men that bravely fought and won this battle start to feel ashamed of their victory and ashamed of the good they had done for Israel that day. One of David's commanders confronts David, calls him out and calls him out good (2 Samuel 19:5-7) tells David that he is making it clear to his commanders and his soldiers that they mean nothing to him, that David loves those who hate him (speaking of Absalom) and hate those who love him (all of his loyal supporters that had fought so bravely for him and for Israel). Then he tells David to get up and go comfort his men. WHAT? He wants David to comfort his men???? Did their son just die??? NO!! His son just died! Shouldn't they be comforting him!! Which brings us to verse 8, what would David do? I know what Mommy would do. I would be hacked off, how dare he come in here and tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way, "this or that" didn't happen to him today. Then I would start to list all the terrible things that have happened to me over my life time to justify why I get to wallow in my pain and hurt. I would squint my eyes as I called my friends and told them what a jerk he was for talking to me that way I would attack his character by saying things like "what kind of person kicks a man when is down, what a hypocrite he is, what makes him think he can talk to me like that he has no idea how I have suffered!" Oh yes, I do believe I would be all fired up! and by golly I would be justified! My life is HARD, I have had to suffer one heart ache after another, surely everyone understands why I feel the way I do. So, now that we know what I would do, let's turn back to David, a man who made a LOT of terrible choices, some of which lead him to be in the position that he was currently in, but has been referred to as a man after God's own heart. Let's take a minute to see how he reacted to Joab getting all up in his business. Verse 8 "So the King got up and took his seat in the gateway". He didn't get all pissy with Joab, he didn't pick up the phone and call his best friend and say "You'll never guess what Joab just said to me!" He didn't pout, he didn't get mad, he got up and did the right thing. He not only heard what Joab said but he listened to the wisdom of what Joab was saying and he applied immediately. "He got up"! I was deeply moved by this passage, I need to grow in this area, I don't like being told am I wrong, or that I need to do something differently and when I am faced with something difficult or down right crappy, I want to be told I have every right to sit there and lick my wounds for as long as I want too. The commentator talked about as christians we need to look different than the world, if we wallow in our situations how does the world see the Hope that Christians have in Christ?? It struck me on so many different levels. Listen, really crappy stuff happens to christians, their babies die, they have abusive parents, their husbands have affairs etc. and the stuff can make us feel terrible, angry, sad, alone etc. and that is okay and understandable. But David was mourning excessively, he wouldn't let it go. He wouldn't come to the place where he accepted that God is ALWAYS in control and God allowed this to happen and God was allowing David to be in this place in the midst of this situation. The problem wasn't with what David knew, that his son was dead and that he was partly responsible for what had ultimately lead to his death, but rather what he had forgotten, the victory of his men in battle, the restoration of him as king over Israel, God's grace and mercy over all the terrible choices David had made that had lead to this mess in the first place. My sweet girls, no doubt you will wake up one day and find yourself sit in the midst of a mess, pain, disappointment, fear, hurt and abandonment and it's okay for you to feel all of those things for a while, but there will come a time even in the midst of the situation that God will want you to "get up and take your seat in the gateway". A time where He will ask you to accept that "this" is where He has you right now and where you show the world that you love and trust Him enough to be "there" in the midst of the crap, but no longer sitting in it... walking through it, holding onto the hand of your Savior who is right there with you. So... mourn for awhile my precious ones, but then "Get up"!! I love you girls!! Mommy

Dear Jesus, Dear Lord & Dear God

Hello my precious girlies. Tonight my focus turns to Ryanne. You may be wondering about the title of this entry, "Dear Jesus, Dear Lord & Dear God". Lately, every time Ryanne prays this is how she starts her prayer and in light of the story I am about to share it seemed the perfect title.

Recently we took a road trip to Texas to visit with friends. One of your favorite activities was to swim in the hotel pool, I don't think we had a day that didn't include swimming. It was Thursday and we had spent the better part of the day at Six Flags. We wrapped up the day with some Cajun food and then it was back to the hotel for your "before bedtime swim". As we were walking into the pool, our friends called to tell us that they were not going to be joining us and were heading straight to bed, I must admit I was a little bummed and had wished that we had told you and your sisters that we would be skipping the night time swim as well; but it was too late for us, suits were on and floaties were in place.

This new pool (in Dallas) was 3 feet in the shallow end and 4 feet in the deep end. The pool at the Corpus hotel was 5 ft and you girls had been tearing it up. Swimming really well, so when you and Sabrina asked to take off your floaties I wasn't worried about it. You took the ladder back into the 4 foot end of the pool and were so excited to find that you could touch the bottom with your tippy toes. So you dipped your head into the water and pushed off the wall, you were doing just great, kicking your legs and paddling with your arms. I was amazed, again, to see how well you were moving across the pool, but when you came up for air you started to panic when you couldn't find the bottom of the pool with your toes. I knew that if you would just relax and straighten your leg you would settle on the bottom and be fine, but I could see that your mind was racing and you were gripped with fear. You dipped our head back under the water and headed back for the wall, just short of the wall you turned and headed back out to the middle of the pool. I stood on the edge of the pool trying to get you to settle down, to listen to what I was saying and to relax, but you were just too panicked and getting more and more panicked with every kick of your legs. It didn't help that Melia was freaking out and screaming your name from the 3' end of the pool. Daddy grabbed the hook off the wall and with one swoop he scooped you to safety. You cried for the longest time and as I went to bed that night I just wished I could erase the whole 5 second scenario from my memory. I hated seeing you so frightened. It broke my heart, and hours later I was still feeling the pain. I hoped that you would not be too frightened to get back in the pool. Falling out of the horse carriage and a rough ride on the kiddie roller coaster at The North Pole had already left you feeling scared and tentative to try many things and I did not want this experience to rob your little life of more joy.

That night when I went to bed, I was praying for you, praying that you wouldn't be scared of the water and for myself that I would be able to let the image of your scared face fade from my memory. True to form, God was standing by to take everything that happens to us and use it for good. As I prayed I started to wonder if what I was feeling is similar to what God must feel when I start to panic in my own understanding and fear. Is the Holy Spirit and Jesus calling out to me? “Cija, just relax and listen to me...” while I keep my eyes focused on my seemingly helpless situation, afraid and scared. Is God the Father reaching to get the hook to scoop me to safety if I can't calm down enough to listen to Jesus and the Holy Spirit's direction and instruction for help? How many times am I flaying around churning up the water when solid ground is just below me, a solid stronghold just a few feet to the left and my Trio of strength, goodness and hope watching over me, calling to me and hoping that I will focus on them rather than my situation.

Oh my sweet girls, my prayer is that as you grow in your faith you will realize you have nothing to fear, you have a Savior, an Almighty God and a Spirit of truth standing on the side of the pool with all the instruction you need and who is poised to rescue you when you don't have the courage to listen. Whatever is True (The Father, The Son & The Holy Ghost) think on these things...

I love you. Mommy

"Diving In"

Hello my sweet girlies!! There are days when you are a mom that will stand out, days that you know will leave a lasting imprint on your mind and Sunday, May 2, 2010 was one of those days. But first we most go back a couple of weeks and start from there. It was my carpool day, and with 6 kids in the car that meant that Melia was sitting up front with me. I'm not really sure what sparked the conversation but Melia and I found ourselves discussing the meaning of Baptism on this particular day. I tried as best as I could to explain the concept of dying to one's self and being raised up in Christ to a 7 year old, not exactly and easy task. Needless to say, Melia looked at me like I was "cah-razy" and had no problem letting me know that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with baptism. Initial thought... "Way to go, Cija!!", but thankfully the Holy Spirit piped in and helped me in my response to this now frightened little girl. "Melia, I have an idea, why don't you just start praying about it? Ask Jesus to let you know when He wants you to get baptised." Now she was scared and perplexed, how was Jesus going to let her know, it wasn't like He could pick up the phone and call her. More explanation was needed. So I told her that when He was ready, she would be ready too, her heart wouldn't be scared anymore it would be at peace and she would just know it was time. (Melia is a crazy prayer! I truly believe it is one of her spiritual gifts, she is so faithful to pray for those you ask her to pray for, I've really never seen anything like it, in fact one night before bed I was explaining to her that Jesus has a purpose for her life, something that He has created her to do. She replied "I think it has something to do with prayer." I just nodded my head in complete agreement.) So, it came as no surprise that every time she prayed for dinner or before she went to bed she asked Jesus to let her know when He wanted her to be baptised.

Now let's fast forward to the morning of May 2nd. Sunday mornings are always crazy! There are 4 girls to get ready and I usually have to be to church early because I am volunteering for something, on this particular day is was the welcome desk. I was combing out Sabrina hair when Melia rounded the corner with her dad, her eyes were red and puffy and I could tell that she had been crying. Of course, my first thought was that she and her dad had not see eye to eye on something. When I asked her what was wrong she said "I'm ready to get baptised? I just about feel over! (secretly, I thought the child might need therapy to get over the fear I had created just a few short weeks ago!!) That one statement started a snowball of activity in our master bathroom. Sabrina wanted to know what it meant to get baptised, I seriously tweeked my explanation to something more age appropriate and simply said that it was a chance to tell the world that you have excepted Jesus as your Savior. Which prompted a whole other conversation because Sabrina and Ryanne couldn't remember asking Jesus into their hearts (which originally happened on April 17, 2008). I remember at the time I wrestled with whether or not they were really saved, were they too young, did they really understand what they were doing, but in the end I knew that God would never turn his ear to the prayer of a child and that they truly did believe in Jesus. But I saw no harm in praying with them again, so that they could have a moment to remember. Ryanne was still in the tub, so while Rod worked on getting her out, Sabrina and I sat on the side of our bed and had a little talk and then as sweet and precious as she is she bowed her head and prayed the sweetest little prayer asking Jesus to forgive her of her sins and to come into her heart. Then is was Ryanne's turn. Rod sat in the same spot on the bed, and had Ryanne repeat a prayer after him. (okay, I have to admit that I thought it was super cute that he prayed the prayer in 3rd person vs. the 1st person, so little Ryanne would say things like "Dear Jesus, please forgive Ryanne for her sins... etc.) WOW!! were the Cooksey's having a morning or what!?!? It was time for me to go, so Melia and Sabrina jumped in the van with me and daddy and Ryanne were going to meet us at church). On the way, Melia was telling Sabrina that she was going to be baptised that day, I cut in and explained that it probably wouldn't be that day we would have to check and see when the next baptism service was (and in my head I was thinking and daddy has a concert, it's Nana & Papa's anniversary, and we have Home Fellowship at our house at 6:00, today was out.)

Melia - "But mom, Jesus told to get baptised today, it has to be today!"

Me - "Oh honey, I am sure that Jesus will understand if we can't do it today, we will do it as soon as we can.

Melia - "No, Jesus said today! It just has to be today!"

I could tell she was getting upset and I figured it would be best to just put this to rest until I could find out when the next service was and sell her on that date. The first thing I did when I got behind the desk was to pull out the baptism sign up sheet, I couldn't believe my eyes, baptism was scheduled for today. I was over come with the impeccable timing of God and the way He had moved in Melia's heart and proved her faith to be worthy by having all the pieces fall into place.

So, that afternoon we loaded up the car and headed to the Gibson's to have Melia

"bap-ti-mit-tized" (as Sabrina calls it). The clouds were dark and the weather was terrible, the wind was blowing and the rain was verging on hail. Melia was concerned about being outside in the bad weather and asked why it was raining. "Well Melia, Satan is not very happy right now that you have decided to get baptised and he might be trying to get you to change your mind, but you don't need to worry, Jesus knows that you are going to get baptised and He will take care of everything rain or shine." Melia just smiled and I could see that she was determined to get baptised that day no matter what happened (I was so proud of her!). But as we pulled up to the Gibson's home the rain stopped and rays of sun poured through the thick clouds. Once again, God came through for a little girl. It was a wonderful day!! and one I will never ever forget! Way to go girl!! You're diving in!!

My notes from April 17th 2008

Today Sabrina and Ryanne accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior. I was sitting at my desk when Sabrina came over and said "mom, I really want to go to Heaven." I told her that there is only one way to heaven and that is to ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins and to ask him to live in your heart. She took off running for her room and said "I'm gonna go do that right now." I jumped up and said "Wait, I'll go with you." She sat on her bed and prayed the sweetest little prayer asking Jesus to forgive her sins and live in her heart. After Sabrina prayed, Ryanne said "I want to pray too mom." She also prayed and said "Jesus, I know you died on the cross but you're alive now, forgive me of my sins and come live in my heart." Amen

To do lists can't give hugs...

I wrote this entry several weeks ago and then questioned whether or not I should include it, but in the end I decided I would like you to have it.

It has been much to long since I have been here to leave a note for you, and even now my timing is terrible. It is closing in on 5:00, dinner needs to made and Melia you are scheduled to leave at 6:15 to go with friends to their church group tonight. But like most nights at this time, I am sitting at this computer, bouncing between AKI work, editing pictures for 3 Wishes, keeping track of friends on Facebook, taking a few turns at Bejeweled and going over all the things I should have done today and should be doing right now. The house is in shambles, my desk covered with bills, scrapbooking supplies, empty drinking glasses, things to be filed, papers that need to be address and stuff that doesn't have a "place". You girls are sitting in the playroom, relaxing in front of the TV after a day at school. The list of things I had hoped to accomplished today is for the most part just as it was this morning. No closets have been organized, the dishes have not been put away, the carpets have not been vacuumed, my bed is not made and the floors in your rooms are covered with yesterday's and the day before's and the day before's clothes. This can be a difficult time for me. Life so far has brought me to a place where I tend to measure mine value by the things that I accomplished in a day and a day like to day, when there is little to show for it tends to get me down on myself. Which causes me to wonder why, the seat in front of my computer is such a place of comfort for me... I'm drawn to it. Is it my desire to see if there is an email from a friend, or if someone has written on my wall, or commented on my blog, I guess if I were honest I would have to admit that perhaps I am looking to see if I have been noticed or thought about by someone out there. Sometimes the need to be loved can be overwhelming for a girl. Longing to be someone's BFF and sometimes that's not even enough you want to be several people's BFF, to have a boyfriend, to have lots and lots of friends on Facebook, to be the one that people call when they are having a bad day, to have an invitation for a party or holiday get together, to have friends that want to meet for lunch or chat on IM. In the world of technology you can get got up waiting and hoping for text message, email, evite or voicemail. Trust me when I say that I get it... that person is me. I like to be loved, needed, and wanted. I like to have lots of friends and to be the one that can be found on the top of each guest list. But girls I want to encourage you to be still, to cherish a few friends, so that you don't spend your life fretting over being popular (there are different more eloquent words for it as you get older but it all means the same) love deeply the people that God brings into your life, they will come and go and when they leave they may take a little piece of you when they go but the pain does heal and you are left with the memories that you will treasure forever. Forget about being what people think you should be, or completing a list of meaningless tasks for the day. Start each day in a conversation with the lover of your soul... Jesus! Ask Him to write your list of "Things to do Today", remember why you fell in love with your husband, hold your children, tell them all how much you love them, take time to day dream about them when there away from you, call a friend even if you think you might look desperate, smile at a stranger, be kind, notice the people around you and let the fruit of the Holy Spirit ooze out of you, in every look, every word spoken, every thought, and in every deed. Shower yourself in His love for you and then shower the ones that He has placed in your life. I love you, girls!!! Mommy

"Evan Almighty"

Hello my girlies,

Today was, well... an interesting day. I wanted to share my journal entry with you as it was one of those times when God helped me in the midst of my writing.

"Oh my goodness , what a day. I feel so yucky. I was so disappointed about the way the girls behaved today. Mostly because I feel that it is a reflection of me, but somehow that isn't sitting right with me. They are not put here on earth to make me look good, they were put here to do something for God. It is not their job to cross all their T's and dot all their I's so that I can pat myself on the back and show them off as little projects or pieces of artwork that I have created. If they don't like someone because of their age then that should be a signal to me that I need to teach them about loving others and about not judging. If they are aggressive and out of control then it should be a sign to me that I need to show them how to exercise self control and teach them how to use their words. This morning I woke up and prayed that I wanted to be a better mom and I foolishly thought it would be all rainbows and butterflies but the events of today has reminded me of a scene from the movie "Evan Almighty" when Evan's wife is talking to the waiter (who is actually God) in the diner. God says "Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?" I did several things right today, I listened to what happened for all sides, and then I disciplined the girls but then I started to get upset about how this made me look and I lost perspective. Then instead of turning to God, I turned to my husband hoping he would stroke my ego & tell me I was a good parent and most of the time the girls are a great reflection of the great mom I am. But when he was equally as upset as me I felt even worse. It wasn't until I started to quiet myself before the Lord that I began to realize that they aren't my school projects to be ooo'd and ahhhh'd over, they are my children, whom God has given to me to train and teach. Their behavior is merely a gauge for me to know what areas we are doing good in and what areas we need to spend more time on. When I can fully realize that I will no longer find myself angry and upset about their behavior but rather determined to to allocate more time teaching and training them in those areas. God is GOOD! and by golly He answered my prayer and helped me become a better mom today!"

One day you girls may have kids of your own, and there will be days that you feel completely and totally unqualified for the job of raising those kids. Sometimes it not easy and we all wonder what the heck we are doing some days, but even when you blow it you can brush yourself off and try again! Mommy loves you! XOXO

A Yellow Day

Monday was quite a day, filled with lots and lots of drama! But for the sake of this entry I plan to focus on my precious first born... Melia. Oh how I longed and prayed for this child, and she is more beautiful than I can express. Gorgeous on the outside and equally as beautiful on the inside. She is a girl's girl, at the age of 6 she already knows how to bat those eyes and can turn on a "come hither" strut when she wants too! Scares the crap out of me quite frankly. The boys will be intoxicated by her for sure.

But Monday... well Monday was a "Yellow day". Melia is currently in the 1st grade, she loves school, mostly recess of course, but she also likes lunch and computers! This is the second year that Melia has had Mrs. Meeks for a teacher, and Melia delights in making Mrs. Meeks proud of her. But on this particular day, while Mrs. Meeks was out in the hall tending to something else, another teacher was brought in to watch over the class. Unfortunately, many of the students assumed that this new teacher would not share Mrs. Meeks' standard of behavior and by the time Mrs. Meeks returned to the class room several names had been written on the board, including... Melia's. At the end of the day, when it came time to color in their "behavior chart", Melia was shocked to find out that she had been given a "Yellow Day". A spot on her, perfect record.

After we dropped off the carpool kids, Melia burst into tears. She was devastated by her "yellow day"! At first, she spewed reasons why it was not her fault and that Olivia was responsible, she had made her talk and she was the one that deserved to be yellow. As the tears streamed down her face I tried to explain to her that at some point it was her choice to answer Olivia and that she would have to take responsibility for her part. That did not help, she collapsed against the backseat, buried her face in her hands and sobbed. In just a few minutes we were home and I was feeling much of Melia's pain, and I could see that this sweet little girl was following in the footsteps of her mom and was becoming a very accomplished perfectionist. I had to take this opportunity to try and show her some truths about her Savior that at 42, I was just starting to learn myself. With my arm wrapped around her shoulders, I grabbed my Bible and walked with her to find a comfy spot in her room. I turned to Romans 3:23 and had Melia read the first several words "For all have sinned..."

"Who has sinned?" I asked.

"Everyone?" she answered.

"Yes, Melia. All of us have sinned, every single one of us."

"But not Nicole! She's the quietest girl in school! She will never have a Yellow Day! she interrupted with a fresh batch of tears.

I just wanted to scope her up, hold her like I did when she was a baby and rock her pain away. I so understood what she was feeling. But instead I looked her in the eye and explained to her that we all have yellow days. Every single one of us and that is why we need a Savior, someone to wash them away and to make them just as if they never happened. I had Melia turn to another passage in John. John 14:15 "if you love me, you will obey what I have commanded", oh I wish you could type with "tone"! I grew up hearing this verse over and over again, I heard it like a teenager boy saying it in the backseat of car to a girl he was trying to get to do things she wasn't ready to do "if you love me... then you will do this and this" (can you hear it?) But now, at 42 years old I am finally starting to realize that's not how Jesus said it at all, he said like this... "Cija, if you LOVE me, just LOVE me... then you'll do my commands, that stuff will just happen... I just want you to LOVE me, focus on loving me not doing everything right and perfect. This is a concept of God's amazing love and grace that I am still trying to fully understand, but I so want my little girls to grow up knowing how much their Jesus loves them and how He longs for us to simply focus on loving Him.

Every night at dinner, we go around the table and talk about what kind of day we had. I thought this was be a good word picture for Melia to try and understand the work that Jesus did on the cross. "Melia, picture God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit sitting down for dinner tonight. God leans forward to take a bite of the delicious meal that been prepared and asks His Son, Jesus, "So, what kind of day did Melia have today?" Jesus reaches into his backpack and proudly holds up your calendar and says "She did great! Another Green Day!!". Melia stopped me "But mom He would be lying." "No sweetheart, that's just it! That's why Jesus died on the cross for you! So that He could wash away all of your yellow days and make them just as if they never happened!! His blood covers them up and washes them away!!"

Oh how He loves you and me...