Out of the Heart the Mouth Speaks

Melia wrote her very first song. She is just a couple of weeks shy of 8 years old.

"It's All Right"

Melia Cooksey

Na na na na na I know that it's all right, it's all right mmmmmmm

ohohohohohohohohohoh owww the King of Kings is protecting me.

I know, I know He's here. mmmmmmmmmm.

God is here, it's all right. owowow

He is the one.

He is the one.

He's the one.

You want Him as your Savior, Oh yay, oh yay, It's all right, Oh yay.

owowowowowwwwwwwwwwww.

Letters...

Hello my precious sweet girlies... tonight was one of those nights where I am exhausted from running all week (spring break) and hosting a party (Crytal and Scott's engagement party). My mind was stressed and muddy leaving me to feel anxious and a bit crazy. You will have days like this too, juggling life, and obligations, wants and have to's. Can I tell you that the first place you should run is to a quiet place with your Bible... read, soak in the healing words of your God and Savior. Pray... write God a letter, that is what I did tonight and my soul feels so much better for it. I hope that being able to read this letter to God will bring you comfort when you are feeling confused and frazzled that you see and know that your mom has been there and that you will know... Jesus is the answer.

Dear God, This probably wont’ go anywhere… I just feel anxious? I don’t know… my mind is muddy. I am feeling some what stressed about my business, April is super light, only 3 shoots so far and I wonder… is that what you have for me, or should I be pushing, advertising, trying harder. Or is that me trying to take control and striving. Or is this me being lazy trying to dress it up in a “I’m just trusting God” bow. I feel like I am sitting “here” (at the computer) again too often and really not accomplishing much. I had pictures that I could have edited this afternoon, but I rationalized that I didn’t want to work on Sunday. But maybe that is a good thing. Maybe I really shouldn’t work on Sunday. But should I have been doing something else, other than Facebook and reading blogs or whatever I was doing, it seems I can’t even really remember what I was doing… I did stop and play games with Sabrina when she can home and the girls were gone while I was on the computer any ways, so should it even be a factor? Do I need to be analyzing it? I’m I just going loopy because it’s 11:37 PM and I’m tired and in need of sleep? What do I want? I want to be in the center of your will. I want to grow in my relationship with you, I want to study and know your word, I want to learn and retain everything I possibly can. I want to be filled up with you, oozing you everywhere I go. I want to be covered with the fragrance of you. I want to use my time to pour into my kid’s life. I want to be here for them, I want to listen to them, talk to them and teach them all the wonderful things about you. I want to show them that you are worth falling head over heels in love with and I want them to know what they believe and why so they can protect themselves from all the malarkey out there in the world. I want to love my husband better than I do now. I want to stop being inhibited and just go for it. Touch, kiss, tell, share, be completely me and completely crazy silly into him. It’s not that I don’t love him with all my heart… I do. I just hold back afraid of rejection or looking stupid… afraid. I want to make an eternal difference, I want to be used… I have no idea what that looks like. And does it have to be big, if it was would I struggle with pride? I think I might… I feel desperate at times to be valuable, to be really great at something… everthing. I feel like I can put everything I think, do, ponder, consider on a seesaw and I get exhausted watching to go up and down, back and forth wondering which perspective is the right one. This can’t be how you intended it to be, you said “Peace I leave with you” not this crazy back and forth constantly debating with myself. When do I feel this way… is it when I am tired? When I have not spent enough time with you? It has been a few days since I had purposeful time in the word… I have read Choosing to See this week and prayed here and there, been to church, but one on one time with just you and the Bible it’s been about a week… is that what drives this unrest in my spirit? I am looking forward to spring break being over, I had so much fun with the girls but I feel like I need to get back to my “new” routine since quitting AKI. Time every morning spent doing Bible study, time with you. I really hate this computer most of the time… I know that I look to it to fill an emptiness I have inside, checking emails and updates of facebook, I have said it before, looking for some kind of contact, that someone thought of me and wanted to reach out to me. It seems as I grow in my relationship with you, my need for you grows as well, and yet I still haven’t figured out that it is with you that I will find what I am looking for not on this stupid computer, but how stinkin’ cool would it be if you had IM!? Yay, that would be very cool. Well, it’s almost midnight and morning will be here soon and I will be tired. I feel better… spending time with you always makes me feel better. Like warm oil being poured over my dry and aching heart. You are my comforter, my savior and my King. Lord, teach me more about who you are and mold me to be who you created me to be. Root out my bitterness, my gross flesh that feeds off negative talk, cleanse my mouth Lord and use it to build up and not tear down. Wash my tone and make it full of your love. Give me patience. Give me discernment and wisdom, help me to spend my time doing your work and trust you with my work. That’s right, isn’t it? Help me to know this, help me to KNOW what is right in your sight. Sleep… sleep is what is right, right now. Oh, how I love you, thank you for drawing me so close over the last few years, I never knew what loving you could feel like and I know I am only scratching the surface. In my Jesus’ precious and Holy name. Amen.

I love you, my sweet girls... turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of this earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace (words from a favorite song of mine.)

Kisses... Mommy

The Relationship...

Hi Girls, Just another writing from a few years ago.

"I was reading in John about the crucifixion the other night, when I finished, I thought, why is it I read that like it's not a big deal, I wonder why it doesn’t move me like it should. After journaling about it for awhile, I believe the Holy Spirit gave me the following thoughts. Ya know how when you hear about a kid drowning on the news and you think "oh how terrible, I can't image" and then you go right back to cleaning... but when you hear about a church member's child that has drowned you spend more time pondering what they must be going thru, you might send a card or make a meal for the family. But if your best friend's child drowned you would get in your car, sob the whole way over there, and cry out to God to help your friend. You would hold her, help her make phone calls, help her plan the service, sit by her at the funeral, and be with her in the weeks and months ahead, you would call her on birthdays and holidays to support her in her grief. Now, what if it was your child that drowned... your whole life would be devastated, you would be sick with intense grief; and yet the theme of this story is always the same... a child drowned. Why did one impact you more than another... it's the relationship. The closer the relationship the more it moved you. And then I realized how much more relationship I have to experience with God and Jesus, this is the closest I have ever been to God and Jesus and yet I realize how much more there is to experience in my relationship with him. I as grow closer to him, I can expect the story of the crucifixion to move me more and more."

Mary & Martha

Hello my precious girlies... right now you are tucked safe and sound in your beds. It's the weekend so Melia you are sleeping in your sister's room, something you girls have been doing for a while now. Oh how I love you girls, I hope you know that. I was thinking tonight, pondering my "faith" in Jesus and I remembered some "writings" from years gone by that I have saved and I wanted to put them here for you. My deepest desire is that when you are older, these entries will allow you to see your mom's heart along the journey. This writing is about Mary and Martha, sisters who were friends with Jesus during his ministry here on earth, just days before Jesus was arrested and crucified, he went to their house for dinner...

"I have heard many messages on Mary and Martha, but as I pondered their story I thought... what if? Mary and Martha were women, uniquely feminine just like you and I. Mary washes Jesus' feet & dries them with her hair. She’s is in a room filled with men and yet she singles out Jesus and begins to wash his feet. I don't know about you but I would really need to like someone to wash their feet. Take a moment to think about what that must have been like. How did she touch his feet? I wonder, was it slow and soft as she tried to memorize everything about that moment. Did she look into his eyes searching for approval? It is possible that He smiled back at her as He let His eyes fall shut to focus on her touch? Jesus and Mary appear to be so focused on one another that they are no longer aware of the other people in room. And of course she takes out her favorite lotion (expensive perfume), she wouldn't think of using anything else. When Judas, gets on her case about using such an expensive item, Jesus, without hesitation jumps to her defense "leave her alone" he says. He doesn't band with his friends and make jokes about her, he draws his sword to defend her honor (I love that). Why does Mary chose to dry Jesus' feet with her hair and not a towel? Could it be that she wants to savor that moment and to soak up the fragrance of that moment to take it with her. I wonder as she went about her business over the next few days, did the wind blow through her hair filling the air with the scent of that moment she spent with Jesus? Did it bring back all those emotions and the feelings of closeness she shared with Him. As she went about her errands, were there moments when she would stop and pull her hair in front of her face, close her eyes and breathe in deeply just to smell the scent of Jesus again? I wonder if when she passed by people in the market, did they think to themselves "what was that smell"? Did the fragrance served as evidence of the time that Mary spent with Jesus. I wonder, is there evidence in my life of the time I spend with Jesus? And then there is Martha (she always gets the bad rap). I wonder if she had spent all day preparing, make her finest recipes, setting a beautiful table with the best of everything she had, straightening the house and dusting the pictures making everything perfect. I wonder if when she watched Mary with Jesus and Jesus with Mary if her heart ached. As she longed for that type of relationship with Jesus did her wounded heart whisper "he would never want that kind of relationship with you, you’re not good enough!" Did she slave all day to try and prove that she had worth & value? To try and convince Jesus that she was worth spending time with. As she watched Mary and Jesus did she think to herself "I do all this and I'm still not enough!" I wonder if she didn't lash out at Mary out of a deep wound of inadequacy and low self worth. Jesus was right there... wanting Martha, desiring to be with her, but was she paralyzed by her fear of inadequacy and rejection? Did the fear in Martha's heart impact her relationship with Jesus? Do my own fears of inadequacy affect my relationship with Jesus? "

Never Forget, Always Remember

This morning daddy came downstairs and said “Tomorrow will be 3 years.” March 1st, 3 years since Ryanne had her accident. I commented to daddy that the date really sticks with him, he said… “I never want to forget…”
The five us went to Estes Park for the weekend. It was the 1st time since you girls were born that we decided to go on a weekend get away. We left Friday after work, our 1st stop was Chili’s for dinner and then we hit the local Walmart for inner tubes and swim floaties for the pool. We stayed at the Marriott in Boulder (thanks to our good buddy, Miss Ann!) and of course the first thing on the list of things to do was to hit the pool, you girls swam for at least a couple of hours, we were having an absolutely wonderful time.

The next morning we went to IHOP where you dove into Smiley Face pancakes, and then it was time to make our way to Estes Park. We headed straight for Rocky National Park; it was a perfect day, and the weather was beautiful. We spent the morning tubing, and wrapped up our fun in the snow with a snowball fight.

We spent the early afternoon, strolling the streets of Estes Park, where we of course stopped to enjoy some salt water taffy and Laura's famous hot fudge sundaes. Ofcoure we all know how much Ryanne LOVES horses and a friend had told us about a horse and carriage ride that went thru the center of town, we figured it would be the perfect way to wrap up our day. You girls were so excited to be riding in the carriage and Ryanne was particularly excited about petting the horse’s nose when we were done.

We had just turned around and started on the 2nd half of our 30 minute ride when Ryanne leaned forward reaching for something, she miscalculated and lost her balance I reached to grab her but it was too late, she fell out of the carriage and on to the pavement, right in front of the back wheel of the carriage. We screamed for the driver to stop but he was unable to stop the carriage before it ran over the upper part of Ryanne's back (she was laying face down). I jumped out of the carriage, scooped her up out of the street and laid her back down on the side of the road, she was crying very hard, a painful cry and couldn't speak, I picked her up again, climbed back in the carriage and asked them to take us to our car. I don’t know what I was thinking, it never even occurred to me to call any ambulance. We immediately took Ryanne to the hospital in Estes Park, the left side of her face was badly bruised, and she had bad abrasions on her chest, back and arm. I was in the emergency room with Ryanne while Daddy stayed in the waiting room with you other two. They did several xrays, and didn't find any broken bones but wanted to do a CAT Scan to check for any internal injuries, they told me that we would be there at least over night.

I called Aunt Wendy and asked her to come and get Melia and Sabrina so that daddy and I could both be there for Ryanne. Within 10 minutes the Doctor came in and said that they were a small hospital and not comfortable with treating Ryanne’s injuries they had decided to air lift her to children's hospital. Ryanne was in a great deal of pain, and very lethargic, they had to keeping calling out to her and shaking her to get her to respond. The doctors explained that Ryanne would need a CAT scan and MRI and would be in the hospital for several days. At 5:45pm she left in the helicopter for Children's Hospital in Denver and we started our trek down the mountain. You girls were both very upset, while we stood and waited for the helicopter to take off, Melia told daddy she wanted to go to the car, daddy told me later that you stopped at the van door, turned and blew a kiss to the helicopter and then got in the van and started crying. Sabrina you stayed with daddy and I but cried the whole time saying that you missed Ryanne. You cried for about 30 minutes until you finally cried yourself to sleep.

Ryanne landed at Childrens' at about 6:10, where the rest of our family was waiting for her and we arrived at about 7:30. Something happened in that helicopter... We believe that the hand of God reached down out of heaven and touched our little girl with his healing hand. As mommy and daddy walked down the hall to Ryanne’s room, we heard her yell... "Hi Mom... Hi Dad", you were sitting up in bed coloring a picture of Strawberry Shortcake and ordering a "purple" popsicle.

You were a completely different person. They did one final test, a urine test to look for blood and then gave us the okay to take you home. The bruise on your face was completely gone, the abrasions on her back and stomach almost to faint to see. A miracle indeed! As we put you to bed, we commented on how sore you would be the next day, as with any injury, day 2 is always the worst. The next morning I gently sat on the side of your bed, and stroked your hair until your eyes slowly opened. "how do you feel?" "I feel fine" "do you hurt anywhere?" "Nope" You hopped out of bed and had a completely normal day!! Thank God!! He is so good!

Several weeks later we were in the car, I was trying to explain the importance of wearing seatbelts correctly. Ryanne, you turned to Sabrina and said “If you get in a car accident Jesus with catch you” when I asked you about it you stated very matter of fact “when I felled out of the carriage Jesus caught me.” I asked you if you saw Jesus any other time and you said “Yeah… he was in the helicopter”. Hmmm… A few days later you were telling nana and papa about seeing Jesus, Papa asked “Ryanne did Jesus look like a doctor?” “noooo…” “Did he look like a fireman?” “noooo” “well, what did he look like?” “He looked like Jesus.” We asked you if Jesus said anything to you that day and everytime you always reply “He gave me a blue flute.” A few days later, Grandma called and said that she has a book written by a Christian psychologist about the dream interpretation that is mentioned in the Bible. She looked up the words “Blue” and “flute”, one means “God with you” and the other “divine healing”. Well… GLORY!!

Luke 10:21 At that time Jesus full of joy through the Holy Spirit said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned , and revealed them to the little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

I wanted to make sure that I had this story of our miracle written down so that you will always remember what God did for our family that day. Daddy is going to write down his version of the story too, so that you will have it to… ALWAYS REMEMBER.

I Chronicles 16:11& 12 Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced.

Psalms 77:11&12 I will remember the deeds of the Lord; I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.