Mary & Martha

Hello my precious girlies... right now you are tucked safe and sound in your beds. It's the weekend so Melia you are sleeping in your sister's room, something you girls have been doing for a while now. Oh how I love you girls, I hope you know that. I was thinking tonight, pondering my "faith" in Jesus and I remembered some "writings" from years gone by that I have saved and I wanted to put them here for you. My deepest desire is that when you are older, these entries will allow you to see your mom's heart along the journey. This writing is about Mary and Martha, sisters who were friends with Jesus during his ministry here on earth, just days before Jesus was arrested and crucified, he went to their house for dinner...

"I have heard many messages on Mary and Martha, but as I pondered their story I thought... what if? Mary and Martha were women, uniquely feminine just like you and I. Mary washes Jesus' feet & dries them with her hair. She’s is in a room filled with men and yet she singles out Jesus and begins to wash his feet. I don't know about you but I would really need to like someone to wash their feet. Take a moment to think about what that must have been like. How did she touch his feet? I wonder, was it slow and soft as she tried to memorize everything about that moment. Did she look into his eyes searching for approval? It is possible that He smiled back at her as He let His eyes fall shut to focus on her touch? Jesus and Mary appear to be so focused on one another that they are no longer aware of the other people in room. And of course she takes out her favorite lotion (expensive perfume), she wouldn't think of using anything else. When Judas, gets on her case about using such an expensive item, Jesus, without hesitation jumps to her defense "leave her alone" he says. He doesn't band with his friends and make jokes about her, he draws his sword to defend her honor (I love that). Why does Mary chose to dry Jesus' feet with her hair and not a towel? Could it be that she wants to savor that moment and to soak up the fragrance of that moment to take it with her. I wonder as she went about her business over the next few days, did the wind blow through her hair filling the air with the scent of that moment she spent with Jesus? Did it bring back all those emotions and the feelings of closeness she shared with Him. As she went about her errands, were there moments when she would stop and pull her hair in front of her face, close her eyes and breathe in deeply just to smell the scent of Jesus again? I wonder if when she passed by people in the market, did they think to themselves "what was that smell"? Did the fragrance served as evidence of the time that Mary spent with Jesus. I wonder, is there evidence in my life of the time I spend with Jesus? And then there is Martha (she always gets the bad rap). I wonder if she had spent all day preparing, make her finest recipes, setting a beautiful table with the best of everything she had, straightening the house and dusting the pictures making everything perfect. I wonder if when she watched Mary with Jesus and Jesus with Mary if her heart ached. As she longed for that type of relationship with Jesus did her wounded heart whisper "he would never want that kind of relationship with you, you’re not good enough!" Did she slave all day to try and prove that she had worth & value? To try and convince Jesus that she was worth spending time with. As she watched Mary and Jesus did she think to herself "I do all this and I'm still not enough!" I wonder if she didn't lash out at Mary out of a deep wound of inadequacy and low self worth. Jesus was right there... wanting Martha, desiring to be with her, but was she paralyzed by her fear of inadequacy and rejection? Did the fear in Martha's heart impact her relationship with Jesus? Do my own fears of inadequacy affect my relationship with Jesus? "