Dear Jesus, Dear Lord & Dear God

Hello my precious girlies. Tonight my focus turns to Ryanne. You may be wondering about the title of this entry, "Dear Jesus, Dear Lord & Dear God". Lately, every time Ryanne prays this is how she starts her prayer and in light of the story I am about to share it seemed the perfect title.

Recently we took a road trip to Texas to visit with friends. One of your favorite activities was to swim in the hotel pool, I don't think we had a day that didn't include swimming. It was Thursday and we had spent the better part of the day at Six Flags. We wrapped up the day with some Cajun food and then it was back to the hotel for your "before bedtime swim". As we were walking into the pool, our friends called to tell us that they were not going to be joining us and were heading straight to bed, I must admit I was a little bummed and had wished that we had told you and your sisters that we would be skipping the night time swim as well; but it was too late for us, suits were on and floaties were in place.

This new pool (in Dallas) was 3 feet in the shallow end and 4 feet in the deep end. The pool at the Corpus hotel was 5 ft and you girls had been tearing it up. Swimming really well, so when you and Sabrina asked to take off your floaties I wasn't worried about it. You took the ladder back into the 4 foot end of the pool and were so excited to find that you could touch the bottom with your tippy toes. So you dipped your head into the water and pushed off the wall, you were doing just great, kicking your legs and paddling with your arms. I was amazed, again, to see how well you were moving across the pool, but when you came up for air you started to panic when you couldn't find the bottom of the pool with your toes. I knew that if you would just relax and straighten your leg you would settle on the bottom and be fine, but I could see that your mind was racing and you were gripped with fear. You dipped our head back under the water and headed back for the wall, just short of the wall you turned and headed back out to the middle of the pool. I stood on the edge of the pool trying to get you to settle down, to listen to what I was saying and to relax, but you were just too panicked and getting more and more panicked with every kick of your legs. It didn't help that Melia was freaking out and screaming your name from the 3' end of the pool. Daddy grabbed the hook off the wall and with one swoop he scooped you to safety. You cried for the longest time and as I went to bed that night I just wished I could erase the whole 5 second scenario from my memory. I hated seeing you so frightened. It broke my heart, and hours later I was still feeling the pain. I hoped that you would not be too frightened to get back in the pool. Falling out of the horse carriage and a rough ride on the kiddie roller coaster at The North Pole had already left you feeling scared and tentative to try many things and I did not want this experience to rob your little life of more joy.

That night when I went to bed, I was praying for you, praying that you wouldn't be scared of the water and for myself that I would be able to let the image of your scared face fade from my memory. True to form, God was standing by to take everything that happens to us and use it for good. As I prayed I started to wonder if what I was feeling is similar to what God must feel when I start to panic in my own understanding and fear. Is the Holy Spirit and Jesus calling out to me? “Cija, just relax and listen to me...” while I keep my eyes focused on my seemingly helpless situation, afraid and scared. Is God the Father reaching to get the hook to scoop me to safety if I can't calm down enough to listen to Jesus and the Holy Spirit's direction and instruction for help? How many times am I flaying around churning up the water when solid ground is just below me, a solid stronghold just a few feet to the left and my Trio of strength, goodness and hope watching over me, calling to me and hoping that I will focus on them rather than my situation.

Oh my sweet girls, my prayer is that as you grow in your faith you will realize you have nothing to fear, you have a Savior, an Almighty God and a Spirit of truth standing on the side of the pool with all the instruction you need and who is poised to rescue you when you don't have the courage to listen. Whatever is True (The Father, The Son & The Holy Ghost) think on these things...

I love you. Mommy