To do lists can't give hugs...

I wrote this entry several weeks ago and then questioned whether or not I should include it, but in the end I decided I would like you to have it.

It has been much to long since I have been here to leave a note for you, and even now my timing is terrible. It is closing in on 5:00, dinner needs to made and Melia you are scheduled to leave at 6:15 to go with friends to their church group tonight. But like most nights at this time, I am sitting at this computer, bouncing between AKI work, editing pictures for 3 Wishes, keeping track of friends on Facebook, taking a few turns at Bejeweled and going over all the things I should have done today and should be doing right now. The house is in shambles, my desk covered with bills, scrapbooking supplies, empty drinking glasses, things to be filed, papers that need to be address and stuff that doesn't have a "place". You girls are sitting in the playroom, relaxing in front of the TV after a day at school. The list of things I had hoped to accomplished today is for the most part just as it was this morning. No closets have been organized, the dishes have not been put away, the carpets have not been vacuumed, my bed is not made and the floors in your rooms are covered with yesterday's and the day before's and the day before's clothes. This can be a difficult time for me. Life so far has brought me to a place where I tend to measure mine value by the things that I accomplished in a day and a day like to day, when there is little to show for it tends to get me down on myself. Which causes me to wonder why, the seat in front of my computer is such a place of comfort for me... I'm drawn to it. Is it my desire to see if there is an email from a friend, or if someone has written on my wall, or commented on my blog, I guess if I were honest I would have to admit that perhaps I am looking to see if I have been noticed or thought about by someone out there. Sometimes the need to be loved can be overwhelming for a girl. Longing to be someone's BFF and sometimes that's not even enough you want to be several people's BFF, to have a boyfriend, to have lots and lots of friends on Facebook, to be the one that people call when they are having a bad day, to have an invitation for a party or holiday get together, to have friends that want to meet for lunch or chat on IM. In the world of technology you can get got up waiting and hoping for text message, email, evite or voicemail. Trust me when I say that I get it... that person is me. I like to be loved, needed, and wanted. I like to have lots of friends and to be the one that can be found on the top of each guest list. But girls I want to encourage you to be still, to cherish a few friends, so that you don't spend your life fretting over being popular (there are different more eloquent words for it as you get older but it all means the same) love deeply the people that God brings into your life, they will come and go and when they leave they may take a little piece of you when they go but the pain does heal and you are left with the memories that you will treasure forever. Forget about being what people think you should be, or completing a list of meaningless tasks for the day. Start each day in a conversation with the lover of your soul... Jesus! Ask Him to write your list of "Things to do Today", remember why you fell in love with your husband, hold your children, tell them all how much you love them, take time to day dream about them when there away from you, call a friend even if you think you might look desperate, smile at a stranger, be kind, notice the people around you and let the fruit of the Holy Spirit ooze out of you, in every look, every word spoken, every thought, and in every deed. Shower yourself in His love for you and then shower the ones that He has placed in your life. I love you, girls!!! Mommy