Open Arms

Hello my girlies,
My heart is heavy tonight as I wonder when the time will come that you find yourself awake, and alone with your tears in the wee hours of the morning. I know that it will happen, I fear it is something that happens to all women, as we desperately seek to fill the gaping hole in our soul with all the insufficient items this world has to offer. Tonight went terrible wrong I am afraid, I had hope for and envisioned a much different outcome. I have been reading a love story lately (the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer, in case you want to read it too), it has stirred my desire for romance; not created it, mind you. I have always had a deep well longing to be filled with words and acts of romance, but over the years I have tried not to dwell on it too much. Your dad, of course loves me, dare I even say that he adores me, but his ability to unlock that secret part of himself that would allow lavish outward showings of affections seems to elude him. I image it torments him almost as much as my longing for those affections torment me. Although, I must admit that 99% of the time that is a conscience decision I have to choose to believe. My wish washy emotions tug at me ever so hard to convince me otherwise. And so I think of you, perhaps 20 some years from now sitting somewhere in the dark holding yourself, trying to sooth the pain that seems to threaten to over take you, while no doubt your “knight” sleeps. Trust me when I say... I have been there, I truly understand the torment in your soul, that battle between hope and fear. I am 42 as I write this, so don't be surprised when after 16 plus years of marriage you and your husband are still struggling to understand one another. But as my tears have now stopped and the emotional swells of the evening are beginning to slow, let me encourage you... as I grow in my walk with God, more and more I am beginning to realize that the ache deep inside of us girls can only be eased by Him. Daddy loves me and perhaps he wishes just as much as I do that he could show me and tell me in a way that would ease the waves of fear and anxiety that crash against the cliffs of my soul; perhaps one day he will be able to find more strength to go there, but then again maybe not. But my sweet precious girls, I want you to know that there is a lover of your soul, One who loves and cherishes every part of you, who with out a single waver finds you completely and utterly breathtaking, who longs for you, who wants to listen to you with out end, who hangs on your every word, who never sleeps but waits for you to come to Him. Who fills the world around you with His gifts of love and who complied his word's for you so that you can read them over and over again. Go to Him, when you feeling this way, fall into His strong and open arms, feel Him hold you tight and listen as He reassures you of His deep and unending love for you. And when your soul is quieted by His love return to the man you have chosen and love him as you long for him to love you. Hugs to you my darlings... I love you so much. Mommy